can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
