I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
