worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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