david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
