i was born a porn star she said
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
