sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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