Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
