I just pynch a tree in the face
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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