saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
