weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
