i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
