Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
