but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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