Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
