Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
