I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
