Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
