there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
