Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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