An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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