allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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