Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
