More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
