i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
