Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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