Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She announced her abortion via fbk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
