I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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