sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
