i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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