I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
