Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
