my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
