I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
