Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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