Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's shark week go big or go home
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
