i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
