been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
