dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
