Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
