Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
