Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
tell me about the fingering
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