You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
