the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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