Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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