this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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