Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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