I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize