Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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