If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
