she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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