He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Congratulations! We have a period
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
