i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
