Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
