So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
